I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
Can't get rid of that sinking feeling in my chest, the tears that keep welling up.
Can't shake off the depression.
There's so many things I want to tell you but I keep putting them off, thinking that I shouldn't waste the precious little time I have with you on these small stuff.
But they keep adding to the distance between us.
And then there's the fear and insecurity.
You're gonna not want me again. And maybe this time for good.
I can't tell you how I feel because I'm so scared that you will suggest breaking up again 'because being together is making me miserable.'
How is breaking up supposed to make me feel better?
Another part of me wonders why I'm doing so much, trying so hard for someone who doesn't reciprocate.
I would give almost the world for you but there isn't much you would do for me.
And even though my mind tells me to give up, I still hope that my boyfriend would do the same for me.
You're not just a boyfriend, you're YOU and there is little that you would do for me.
I know that but I thought it wouldn't matter in the past, like a stupid naive idiot.
But it does.
When I don't receive a text from you, its like the end of the world and a few hours already feels like a year.
Hoping that you would come and fetch me even though the distance is kind of long and knowing that you would never. When I would go all the way to Jurong in a heartbeat just to see you. (How many times have you come to find me instead of the other way round this year? 4 or 5?)
Bringing my phone into the shower with me so I wouldn't miss a call or text.
Knowing you won't send me home from Pasir Ris but hoping that you'd offer and I can keep that offer in my heart to warm me for a little while longer.
Its so cold these days, inside and outside.
I hardly ever see my little ones or Dessy anymore.
You're the only bright point that I have to look forward to.
But so much heartache in this sole motivation in life.
It is so very cold and lonely.
I wonder when it will all end.
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|