Lunatiquely,
Lemon
I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
Quick to anger and jump to wrong conclusions and all that bullshit.
When I calm down and think it through, it is actually entirely and completely my own fault.
I shall try to stop thinking so much and tune out that voice in my head that plays on my insecurities and my fears.
Every single damn thing.
No one to blame but myself.
Will I stop feeling so indignant when I stop putting the blame on others and just take myself accountable?
This will take time and a hell lot of pain.
I need to rebuild the walls I let down so people can't hurt me that easily anymore.
I don't think I can stand it, this mental self torment that opens old wounds, make new ones and drives me out of my mind.
Its not the first time, not the second.
The pain makes me angry and indignant.
Why the heck do I have to put up with the pain while the other party sleeps peacefully, unaware of my pain?
So I have to put up walls again.
If I can somehow learn not to blame anyone and understand that the problem just lies with me, maybe my life will be easier without having to factor in other people.
There would just be me.
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|
Someone that you were there for when they were lonely
Someone you supported when they were down
You thought that that friend would support you too and be glad for you.
But no.
It is them who hurt you the most.
Perhaps it is safer to not let anyone so far in that they can hurt you so easily and so deeply.
Have I hurt you with my thoughtless words and blunt way of blurting things out?
I should have wished you happy then, three years ago when you were so deliriously and blindly in love.
She wasn't good enough for you but maybe I should have let you enjoyed that short lived joy without my censure and disapproval.
Dear friend,
I wish you happy and utmost joy.
It might not last forever but just be happy.
I might tease you from time to time, probably because I am mortally jealous of your happiness but glad that at least you are happy.
Even if you've been blowing me off to spend time with your partner, don't hesitate to come to me when you need help. Sure, I might get pissy at being ignored but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably do the same thing so I totally understand.
I'd make myself scarce so you can give your partner your undivided attention because I think it'd probably suck ttm if you had to entertain me and your partner at the same time. I've had you to myself long enough anyway. Go bother your partner and annoy the heck out of him/her.
I might need time to adjust because you've been around too long and I'm too used to your being around but hey, you're gonna get hitched sooner or later. Its your partner who's gonna spend more time with you anyway. And your partner who will bitch till the cows come home if he/she feels that you have been ignoring him/her.
Bottom line is, if I think your partner is good for you and adores you as much as you adore him/her, go have fun. Keep me updated every now and then, I'm still willing to listen when you feel bitchy. Not asking you to hang out with me every week but at least spare a 'Hi!' for me or something or I will seriously kick your ass.
I won't ask you to do the same for me cuz this is just my opinion on how I would want to make my friend happy and not feel torn between friendship and love. You might have different views and different experiences that have shaped those views so I won't be a bully and expect you to follow mine.
Its just that I have felt that way before and I don't want any of my friends to feel that way because of me.
I think that to be your friend, I just want you to be happy.
P.S: If he/she makes you cry, I'll be after their blood with a vengeance.
Dedicated to llamas who beat me up in secondary school and sheep.
I miss you dude. Let's meet up and sing dumb songs about blue apricots and worlds bursting into fire and bitch and basically go crazy together. What is a citrus commando after all, without her kitsune warlord?
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|