I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
And then everything moves so quickly like a 100 tonne truck falling on you from the sky.
I still hate. But not as vehemently because I too am at fault.
I guess I was just too angry over what happened in the morning to care about anything else.
I should be more upset but I am numb.
Because its too tiring to care about that fucking infuriating person.
Maybe now that person will leave me alone.
Not talk to me, not bother to pretend that what I say or feel actually matters.
I simply will not care any more.
Even though I am banned from training.
If I tell myself not to care, it won't hurt that badly.
I don't dare to hope that the ban will be lifted.
Even though with every thing I miss because of this stupid ban, a little part of me just shrivels up and dies.
That is how vital this is in my life, how very much it means to me.
Was talking on the phone with my bean sprout till late last night after the explosion at home.
I never knew how people could talk on the phone so much but now I do.
Or maybe its just him.
I like his voice and the uniquely taugay sounds he tends to make.
Its like my antidote to a bad day.
Is it just the honeymoon period?
All the 'how did I manage to survive the past 18 years of my life without knowing he existed?' feelings
And the pure happiness at the simplest things like him getting his black belt.
I forget that I am unhappy and upset.
I am really grateful for the existence of Aikido, my bean sprout and JCG in my life.
Moments of blinding joy amidst bleak despair.
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|