I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
It may be a deceitful and despicable trait to have and one that would create distances between myself and other people.
But as long as it helps me reach my goals and expectations, this is a role and a facade that I willingly and gladly take on.
Just whose fault is it?
Is it ours for being incompetent and short of manpower?
It seems like there are only three of us trying to keep this thing afloat.
Is it our fault for trying too hard but not being good enough?
We can't change ourselves.
But we are trying because we know we're not doing this for our own satisfaction.
The only reason yesterday did not go up in flames was because we tried to keep the big picture in mind.
We bit our lips and kept quiet because this is not about us.
This involves something MORE than our feelings and I think it should be something more than YOUR feelings.
If you say that we are being not being professional and being emotional, I'd say the same thing of you.
Yes, we are indebted to you.
But to threaten us with the success of this whole thing,
Its not fair to us and most importantly, the people we have worked so hard together for.
We're sorry for not being good enough and needing to rely on you.
But it is really hard to pretend everything is alright, to try to pacify you when you don't try to see things from our perspective and point of view.
I was scared and unsure.
I was terrified that I will screw this up.
I was trying so hard to meet your expectations.
I was bloody fucking tired of trying so hard to understand just what was going on when no one told us anything, no one bothered to show us the full picture.
I was pissed that you forgot about her, apologized so sloppily, no word of thanks for her effort and bitched about her.
But I had to pacify you, promise to talk to her about the way she was behaving.
DO you think it was easy to swallow?
She is my captain.
She is not your captain but she is MINE.
If you just give her the chance, proper guidance and better attitude, she can do her job better.
She is already putting in so much effort.
All I am asking is that you give my captain due respect.
I am asking this of you because I respect you.
I respect your experience, your abilities and your seniority.
I respect your willingness to help us out and I am very grateful for all that you have done for us.
After yesterday, I hated myself.
Every single time this shit happens, I hate myself.
Is it because of me that everything went wrong?
Is it because I didn't try hard enough?
Is it because I didn't do enough?
Ah heck.
Today will be a better day and after today, maybe everything will be better.
Shall nurse taugay withdrawal symptoms.
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|