Lunatiquely,
Lemon
I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
Because I still feel super drained of happy feelings.
I was soooo tired and sooo out of it today that I wandered aimlessly around Vivo like I was trying to collect my scattered remnants of my brain before heading home and I forgot all about training. And when I remembered (or rather was reminded of it), I was tooo damn exhausted to haul my sorry butt off to school. So I headed home and upon reaching home, I crashed on the sofa till my mom and sis got home.
I hereby conclude that my current part time job is making a mental wreck out of me.
So people may say that I am a soft sheltered kid who knows nothing about life and its hardships.
Like I give a shit.
Because its probably true and I wholeheartedly agree and am lucidly clear about that fact. I am a wet behind the ears kid with no experience in life.
But I am trying.
No one is born with experience. Some just get more earlier in life.
Sorry about the ranting. I'm just really tired.
But the point is: I feel like a mental train wreck after work almost every single time.
Moving on.
I just read an article from one of the magazines lying around at home today and I was like thinking, "OMG. So relevant." haha...
The title of the article was 'The fast lane to BURNOUT' and some of the questions that I answered either every day, almost every day or up to twice a week.
-How often do you crave sugar like sweets, fizzy drinks, chips cakes etc?
-How often do you skip meals?
-How often do you feel like you are never doing enough or are never good enough?
-How often do you feel lightheaded or see stars when you bend down or stand up (every freakin time and it annoys the hell out of me!!!)
-How often do you feel dizzy, faint or momentarily weak?
-How often do you wake up in the morning feeling exhausted?
-How often do you experience sudden shifts in temper?
But I think its because I'm not used to work yet. Cuz all this crap started becoming more frequent after I started work. I mean, I have never fainted before in my life (I think) but twice in the past month during work, I felt like the floor was getting closer. (Disclaimer: Gradings and trainings are excluded because the floor NEVER STAYS WHERE IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.)
OKAY. I know I am whining and griping and complaining but whatever.
On a brighter note, I do get a break from my depressing thoughts when I am with Aiki peeps especially FM, Joey, YS, Kim and the seniors. I lub dub you guys to bits. Seriously.
Next.
To compel myself to blog more regularly (it doesn't have to be either my philosophical musings on the unfathomable topic of myself or my blabbering nonsense or my venting of anger), I shall add in a section called "Random part of the last song that was playing on random on my playlist when I got home" before my usual closing.
Let's hope that this 'lying to myself' method of making me post stuff regularly works.
'... When you go, would you even turn to say "I don't love you like I did yesterday"...'
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|