Lunatiquely,
Lemon
I am a contradiction, a living breathing oxymoron.
I am a perfectionist who is too lazy to pursue perfection.
I am a narcisst with an inferior complex.
I am not crazy, not insane just slightly unstable mentally with highly volatile emotions.
I am a fundamentally selfish person.
I am Lemon.
Lunatiquely Lemon.
Or in simpler terms,
The epic phail attempts at philosophical musing by a yellow, sour citrus fruit that claims to be sweet ^^
Gender Issues.
Everyday, I find out new stuff about myself.
Some pleasant, some not and some not quite sane.
But I digress.
My point now, this very moment, is this.
Contrary to my usual behavior and mannerism, I am actually kinda girly inside.
Now you may think, Is she nuts? The word girly is the complete and total opposite of lemon.
I assure you that now as I write this out, I am perfectly sane and sound of mind.
Maybe I should rephrase that.
I wanna be girly.
But I never exactly had the chance to.
It doesn't make sense but it does.
\
Let's start from the beginning.
The start of the whole gender issue thing.
I don't really recall when it started but since I was young, like before kindergarten or so, the mindset that I should have been born a guy was already rock solid in my mind.
So.
I spent all my time, up till the end of primary school trying to be one.
And epicly phailing but that is beside the point.
Then secondary school life started.
Surrounded by girls.
That habit of trying to be a guy is already like second nature and because there wasn't any guys around, that screwed up mindset told me that I had to be the guy.
Again, it doesn't make any sense but it did.
By then the 'trying to be a guy' thing was practically ingrained into my very being.
But now, there are guys everywhere I look and I finally realize that, much as I have sub-consciously been trying to be a guy, when it boils down to it, I am a gal and there's nothing I can do to change that.
Its not as if I like trying to be a guy.
It makes me lost and confused.
Just who the hell am I supposed to be?
Trying to be a guy now would be the epicly epic kind of PHAIL.
Trying to be a girl now would be plain weird because it just is.
So what should I do now?
I want to be me but who is me?
Do I even exist?
I think I have always wanted to be a girl.
The romance novels are a dead giveaway.
But how the hell should I even start?
I don't want to be a very girly girl either.
Just not a person that gets called a tranny when she gets her nails done or has make up on.
For the record, I hate make up.
And wearing skirts and high heels and combing my hair hourly and primping in front of a mirror.
Again, I digress.
I don't know what point I am trying to make but whatever.
Lunatiquely yours,
Lemon
`iRained
| Stark Raving Lunacy|